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Parenting advice from Reddit

https://np.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/3yagfv/parenting_is_a_lot_like_sysadminning/

  • Don’t rely on technical solutions to administrative problems.If you lock them out of things, you just encourage them to work around your restrictions.
    • Use technical solutions as a backup – but your first lines of defense should be policy, supervision and a review of the needs driving the problem behaviour.
    • What are they seeking, and why aren’t they getting it from what they are allowed to do? How can you provide it in a safe and appropriate manner?
  • Don’t rely on security through obscurity.
    • If the only thing preventing them from doing something is not knowing about it, you are fucked. Not only will they find out, but they’ll find out from exactly the kind of people you don’t want them learning things from.
    • Tell them about it, and then tell them why they shouldn’t, so they can’t get blindsided or scammed. Tie it into the policy-and-supervision methods above, and you’ve got your best chance of controlling the outcomes.
  • The more orders and rules you throw at them, the less attention they’ll pay to any of them.
    • Nagging is the first thing to get filtered from their awareness, and resentment obliterates compliance.
    • Keep the rules as simple and as few as possible.
    • Wide latitude with iron boundaries works a lot better than micromanagement with wiggle room.
    • Make their needs a fundamental input to policy formulation; if you have to keep giving them a hard time about things, your system is a bad fit, and you’ll both have stressful lives.
    • Every time you give instructions, you reduce the effectiveness of your communication. Work towards a target of zero interventions under normal conditions, and build systems that contribute to this.
  • The more requests they throw at you, the less capable they become and the more stressed you get.
    • While you need a degree of control in order to enforce policy and usefully manage resources, you should treat authority as a cost, not a benefit. Don’t hardwire yourself into every decision loop, or you’ll just end up resenting each other.
    • Instead, facilitate their independence as far as possible – and try and design the system towards this end.
    • If you find yourself proxying or rubber-stamping requests, you’re doing it wrong. Hook them up directly, or give them the authority to do it themselves.
  • When you’re acting in a support context, don’t be a grouchy, judgy asshole.
    • This is your job, and they are people too. Yes, they can be frustrating as hell, but they’ve come to you for help, so look at the problem through their eyes. What do they need out of the experience?
    • Yes, this is the Nth time you’ve told them not to do X, or Y would happen, and they’ve gone and done X again. Yes, you need to teach them – but acting like a dick about it won’t make them remember, it’ll just make them less likely to report the problem in future.
    • Being jaded, cynical and frustrated at how useless they are at everything is feels good at the time, but it’s unfair to them and corrosive to you. Avoid this trap, and just be helpful and cheerful instead.

Sophie playing hide and seek

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WK27D3/ 6 months

懷孕五個月開始可以感受到胎動了. 而最近已經滿六個月, 胎動更是明顯而頻繁. 尤其是晚飯過後到睡前的這段時間, 因為血糖升高, 是Sophie最active的時候. 晚上就寢前都要翻身兩三次才有辦法好好入眠.

但奇怪的是昨天晚上從吃完晚飯到睡前竟然這小子一點動靜都沒有. 加上我下腹有類似經痛的感覺,  讓我整個晚上都難以入眠. 觀察了近24個小時候決定還是去醫院給醫生檢查一下比較妥當.

沒想到, 平時超級relaxed的醫生聽完我的描述, 馬上開了兩張單要我去做超音波與胎動的檢查. 連”早產”這個字都出現在他口中. 聽他的口氣, 我眼淚從眼眶中飆了出來… 護士還摸摸我的手要我不要太緊張.

第一次在台灣做ultrasound, 檢查的醫師算仔細, 一開始就說明心跳正常, 輸送養分給寶寶的臍帶壓力也正常. Chiao也在鏡頭前看到寶寶扭動的畫面. 讓我先鬆了一口氣. 只是還是無法知道為何下腹持續疼痛, 也不清楚為何Sophie昨晚一整夜都這麼靜悄悄的. (生出來妳要好好解釋給我聽阿, 小寶貝)

超音波完後接著要到急診室測量心跳, 子宮收縮與胎動. 兩個圓形蝶狀的小儀器緊綁在我的肚皮上, 而我手上拿著一個可以按壓測胎動的棒子. 一有胎動就按一下. 躺了半小時, Sophie很”識相”的(也可能是綁在肚子上的東西弄得她小小姐不舒服), 沒幾分鐘就動幾下. 這也說明了胎動恢復正常了.

超音波醫師和急診室的護理師都說到, 從現在起要每天自我測量, 半小時至少胎動2次, 或兩小時至少10次的頻率才算正常. 給了我一個benchmark.

Chiao 今天和我一起在家觀察, 去醫院又是費了半天. 但卻非常有耐心. 回來還主動煮了牛排當晚餐.

調皮的Sophie寶貝, 請妳不要再讓爸比媽咪這樣嚇一跳了吧.

我們會給妳幸福溫暖的家. 妳也要成為健康, 快樂, 聰明的Sophie喔! XOXO